Thursday, October 22, 2009

Mom Guilt

Brooklyn and I take a "fitness" class every weds at the Chandler Rec Center. It's more of a "let's get my daughter out of the house, involved and socializing with other kiddos" class. Anyway, today we went to class and right outside the class the rec center was having a monthly event for little kids that involves bikes, balls, bounce house, hula hoops and all sorts of other activities to spark interest in Brooklyn's eyes. Since normally the class is til 945 am Brooklyn and I race home to make it back by nap time which is normally 10 at the latest. I'm a stickler for keeping her on a strict nap schedule. Today however, I can't race home and take a different path out of the class. I had to walk through the carnival of fun...that's where I lost Brooklyn...she took off like I would if I were in a candy store. Up and down off the bikes, trying out every SINGLE hula hoop on her self and other nearby innocent and willing kiddos. She climbed right into the bounce house, which if you know Brooklyn this is not her normal self. My girl is normally shy and reserved when it comes to strange places and new people. It'll take her about 30 mins to warm up and then she's still attached to my side, but willing to play. It warmed my heart to see her smile as she explored her surroundings.

She was soo excited and was sooo extremely happy, which brings me to the Mommy Guilt. I let her play about 20 minutes, then I knew we had to go because again, I am a stickler for strict nap times and at this point we were extending way past our routine. I was soo torn on whether or not I should let her have her fun or pull from her utopia. My moment of oppurtunity to pull her out of the bounce house finally came. A rather large 3 year old girl had bounced herself right on top of my very petite 17 month old and didn't get off of her. Brooklyn was shocked and startled at first and then cried. I poked my head in the bounce house and had to hollar at the 3 yr old (who's parent's were MIA) to finally get off my kid. I figured now was the best chance to get her into the car, but NO, she brushed the near crushing event off like it was no big deal and wanted back in the bounce house. She cried and cried, kicked and screamed all the way out the doors. She wanted nothing more then to stay. I felt HORRIBLE as her tears rolled down her cheeks. Ughhh....momma guilt kicked in full force! I kept thinking, who cares about nap time, let her have some fun.... If it weren't for the fact that I was working later that night, I probably would have caved and let her stay and play. The only thing that stopped me from having my own tears from mommy guilt (preggo hormones...gotta love em!) was that I kept telling myself that this wasn't cruel and unusual punishment. She'll forget this moment ever happened and I can't let her have her way all the time. I have to set limits and boundaries right?! Please tell me I shouldn't feel guilty! Later in the afternoon, after we both successfully napped, we went outside to play in the backyard. And to make me feel a little bit better about the morning incident I let her just do whatever made her happy without any when she got on her laid on her belly wearing white pants and started rolling, literally rolling, through the gravel and taking fistfulls of the tiny gravel and letting them fall all over her....I said not a peep. A sight like that normally makes me cringe....ughh to dirty kids! It made me happy to see her happy. Oh well, at least it was in our own backyard and not a public park!


Riecke's said...

you're an awesome mommy!

Ari Kelly said...

You're a GREAT mom! Good job sticking to what's best when it's hard!